Blessings!

'Tis the season! Tomorrow is Christmas and I want to take a moment to just express my gratitude for all the blessings in my life. I am so blessed with amazing family. My parents have been rocks for us over the past year (really over the past 30 years for me!) and my in-laws have loved me from day one like I was their very own daughter! I could not be more blessed with the 4 parents that God has given me! Another blessing is my amazing husband. He has been the most amazing man: loving, caring, giving, helping, supporting, and beyond for the four years I have known him. This past year was our biggest test thus far in our relationship and it has made it all the much stronger! I am so excited to see him fulfill the daddy role I know he was made for! Lastly, the blessing of my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two amazing nephews. They have let me tag along with their family since day one (during my oh so long single days) and have allowed me to play such a role in my nephews lives. I am so grateful. I love the family that I am a part of and I am so fortunate that family does not end just there!

I have the most amazing friends to call family! There are those near and dear to me who I live so far away from, who I can call on at any moment of the day and they are there for me! Thank you friends! I love you!
And of course those I call my Vegas Family! Without my Vegas Family, I don't think the last 8 years would have been so amazing! It's funny how having certain people in your life can build one's family, and they don't even need to be blood related. LOL! I think about if we were all from the same DNA and that's just scary! ;)

Then there is the blessing of my children (of which at this point I count having 4)! I have the best fur babies the world could give. My kitty cat Neka has been with me since pretty much I struck out on my own away from home to Vegas and has given unconditional love (even if she doesn't come downstairs EVER in our house). And then there is my the pup who will forever have my heart. Daisy has shown the hubby and I what true love is and how a loyal dog really can be a child in a couples' life. She has taught us patience and love through all the stages of puppyhood and I truly believe prepared us for what is just around the corner.

And so that brings me to the two little blessings that are growing so rapidly within me! It took a lot to get to this point in my life, not just in the last year, but many years leading up to it and I really feel that now I understand why. I wasn't prepared before now to accept and be ready for the two little men that will soon fill my life and my home with love, laughter, and all the other great experiences motherhood brings! To be able to feel them moving around so much, and share that with the hubby (usually every night before we go to bed and I am being utilized like a world class punching bag) has been the most amazing experience. And as the kicks and jabs get stronger, I know so too do my little men. They have already blessed my life so much, through this experience of being pregnant, to sharing that experience with so many around me, that I am grateful.

So thank you God for all the blessings you have filled my life with. And to all of you who may be reading this, I hope your life is filled with many blessings as well. Merry Christmas all! Have a wonderful time with your family and friends and I look forward to a most amazing New Year for us all!

The Great Vanishing Act

I can't believe I haven't posted since October! Crazy.  But needless to say, it was a rough couple of months at the beginning.  I would say from the moment I hit about 5 weeks along, maybe just past that, I lost my relationship with food.  Yup, gone! I couldn't eat, couldn't smell food, think about food, nothing.  I did everything anyone told me.  Saltines right when I wake up, before I even got out of bed, the preggo pops, LOTS of water (that really just helped ease anything that actually came up...but I appreciated that!), almonds, ginger snaps, ginger ale (can't eat ginger anything now)...you name it, I tried it!  The one thing that seemed to work best, or at least in my head that I told myself was working was cereal.  Really sugary cereal.  Captain Crunch and Cocoa Puffs really.  I don't think I have ever eaten any of those growing up! It was funny.  Even if I did get sick off of either one, it didn't make me hate it after (like I pretty much did with anything else that proved "unsuccessful" in the long run). 

It is amazing how this pregnancy has finally taken a turn for the better.  Life is so amazing when you feel good.  The only thing that really gets me now is the heart burn.  I have never had it before, but it's amazing how quickly you can form a loving bond with Tums.  It was HORRIBLE the first week I really had it, so I tried Pepcid AC and that made me feel even more crappy.  So I have decided to just stick with the Tums.  They honestly seem to do their job, so I'll take that.

Today we are 22 weeks along.  It is crazy, amazing, astonishing...that we are this far along.  We have an appointment any where from every week to every two weeks.  We are seeing two doctors right now.  Our OB is amazing.  I LOVE her.  She is so caring, funny, and always knows how to say just the right thing.  And then we have our perinatalologist.  We see her because we are considered high risk with the twin and because apparently my cervix has issues (keeps adding to the list). It is very thin and so they have to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't allow for preterm labor.  Typical me I guess! I wasn't sure about our perinatal doc, Dr. G, at first.  I didn't think she had a real great bed side manner, but by the 3rd appointment, I changed my mind.  She is great! And the office we see her in has the MOST amazing nurses and staff.  Since we go there every two weeks, it is wonderful how awesome the staff is!

The hubby comes to EVERY appointment with me now (because he missed two appointments for different reasons and those ended up being appointments where I got bad or unsettling news, so now he is mandated to attend every one!).  I am grateful to have him at every appointment.  He asks so many questions, ones I didn't even think of.  And plus, really if we are being honest, we will never go through this again.  I am pretty sure we are a one and done pregnancy family! He has been so wonderful to me.  I try not to be whiny too much, since we all know, I am not incapable of anything yet or to the point where I am too uncomfortable.  But even if we both just sit down or something I am make a big sigh, he'll ask what he can get me.  Usually it's the Tums and more water.  =)  Love that man!

My belly has finally "popped" so to speak.  I can't quite remember which week it really happened, but it seems like it was almost over night.  My goal is to finally post belly shots in order on here tomorrow! That should remind me when it happened.  My students are definitely fascinated with my growing belly. They can't believe how it seems to grow every day (really I just decided to wear loose or tight shirts and then it compounds the look even more, LOL!).

Another great thing about this pregnancy has been going through it with one of my best friends who is also pregnant! She is 10 weeks ahead of me, and has been such a great support.  People always gave us crap at work because we always seemed to dress similar and stuff, and now with both of us being preggos, they laugh.  This is baby #2 for her.  She already has the most amazing, loving son.  This pregnancy they decided not to find out the sex of the baby.  It's not driving her crazy, but it is certainly driving me crazy. I don't know how she does it!  I would  be dying to know and the fact that we could find out early on because of all the ultrasounds we have, you bet I wasn't going to dilly dank finding out!  I think it is a girl for her this time.  Either would be great, but then the boys could have a built in girlfriend.  =) Arranged marriages between friends could work, right?!  LOL! She had been such a great support and a great shoulder to lean on every day with this new and unknown experience.  Really, that is how all of my awesome friends have been, those with or without kids.  They have all been so supportive, helpful, comforting, and genuine.  I am SO BLESSED!

To top it off, there are a few other close friends who are pregnant right now too! They live far, but it is fun to talk every couple of days or weeks and find out how they are doing.  We do a lot of comparisons and it is fun and funny! I am so excited for them!  It will definitely be a baby-centered world for a lot of us in the next year.  However, I am sure how twin situation will be a little more unique.

So, some final updates on our two little men.  We just had an extensive appointment last Wednesday.  They are both weighing in at 1lb 2 oz.  They are measuring a couple days ahead of where they should be.  I'll take it! Keep growing big babies! I would rather have them come out weighing on the heavier side, since most babies tend to lose a little weight right after they are born.  The 4 chambers of their hearts look good, and they are MOVING fools!  The ultrasound tech was laughing at how Baby A wouldn't let her get a good shot of a couple of things.  I feel like we have already started to stereotype their personalities.  Baby A (Landon Douglas) seems to be our shy yet simple guy (except for this last appointment it seems).  Baby B (Parker Neal) seems to our trouble maker.  He always seems to be lining up to kick at his brother or give Mommy some worry at an ultrasound appointment for whatever reason.  But really, they are both my little loves! 

I am getting nervous, yet so very excited.  I know I have absolutely NO idea what I have gotten myself into, but I am as ready as I'll ever be.  Like I said, they have been kicking up a storm and it can now be felt on the outside.  On November 29, hubby and I were able to feel some kicking from the outside together, for the first time.  It was awesome!  We both couldn't stop laughing.  I was laying on my side in bed for the night and had my arm just resting on my belly. BAM! I felt something on my arm.  I had to think for a minute, did I really just feel that?! I must have, because I wouldn't  be able to feel a kick on the inside all the way up in my belly (let's just say it's hard to trust my brain at this point...pregnancy brain is SO real people!).  Then I had the hubby put his hand in the same spot.  BAM! There is was again.  He was in awe...and really so was I. And so it starts! They are moving all over the place and all the time it seems.  I know we are in for it, because that is all everyone keeps saying.  It's just going to escalate from here.  Well, bring it on!

Now that I feel like I have done some catching up, I think it is time to enjoy my first nap of winter break! Hopefully, now that I am feeling better and have a little more time on my hands (until my world drastically changes) I will update more frequently again! Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and a Merry Christmas!


Officially growing! 20 weeks!


First posted belly pic! 18 weeks!

The Million Dollar Question...

Although you might think the question is, do you know the genders yet or are you going to find out (absolutely we will be finding out...I couldn't have 2 little beanies come into my world without being as prepared as possible! We should know in a few more weeks.), you would be mistaken.  The million dollar question was asked by a close friend of mine last week.

"So, are you enjoying pregnancy?"

The thing is, my dear friend is around every day and I know as soon as she asked, she totally tried to recant her question, alluding to the fact that she knows how I am feeling so far about pregnancy.  It is KICKING my butt!  Really, I have to say, I am enjoying the fact of knowing that I am carrying around 2 little ones, and I am completely enjoying the ultrasounds we get to see the beanies (and boy do we get a lot of them. We will have one every couple of weeks not only through my OB but also through our perinatalologist because we are having twins and considered high risk for a couple other reasons).  However, I am not enjoying all the other aspects of pregnancy that my body seems to be absorbing.  Morning sickness, as I have mentioned before, has taken over.  And it lasts morning, noon, and night.  I have good days but then they seem to be out numbered by the bad days. 

I am slowly starting to get some what of an appetite back, but not nearly to the ravenous point that it was at pre-pregnancy (those who know me know I could always put down some food!). I can't really finish a complete meal.  It usually is a couple of bites and then that no-so-good feeling hits my stomach.  Then I throw in the towel and unfortunately throw away the rest of the meal.  I have gained a couple of pounds back of the initial 15+ I lost, but that is slow going.  The irony of it is, a lot of people keep telling me how good and skinny I look. Hey, at least I am going in a little lighter with these 2, just means I can pork on a little more once I do start packing on the pounds.

They are growing strong.  According to thebump.com, they are the size of a plum this week.  Crazy! I just ate a plum today and have to tell you, that is a lot bigger than I realized.  They are approximately 2 inches long and weigh in at about 1/2 ounce.  And the growing will start to increase rapidly from this point on. Baby B was moving around a lot today during our first ultrasound with our perinatalologist, and according to the ultrasound tech, was totally squashing Baby A.  I guess we know who is going to be the bully of the 2.  =) We did do the 1st trimester screening and there was a little concern with the amount of fluid measuring behind Baby B's neck (this is called the nuchal translucency screening) so they are doing a blood test and we should know more by the beginning of next week.  We are just continuing to pray for 2 healthy babies!

We finally graduated from the fertility clinic and had our first official OB appointment on Sept. 28.  It was exciting and I love my OB.  And we had our very last blood test with the fertility clinic on Thursday, the 29th, finishing our last fertility med (the progest powder pill) on Monday, the 26th.  Woohoo.  It has been almost 9+ months that we have been going to the fertility clinic, getting blood tests every few days among many other tests.  Crazy! We are moving on baby!!! =)

Well, as much as I could keep talking about these little ones and all the milestones they are reaching, and the ups and downs they are putting me through, I think it is finally time to head off to bed.  Thanks for all the continued well wishes and prayers.  We'll keep you all up to date as we continue to head off to all our upcoming appointments.  Night all!

And just to keep everyone smiling...pictures of the twins below!


Baby A looking cute as can be!

Baby B finally sitting still for a shot!

Milestones are grand!

What? An update?  No way! Didn't she fall off the face of the Earth?!

No, no. I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, but it sure has felt like that.  The last few weeks have been pretty rough.  It seems that pretty much as soon as I hit 5 weeks, so did a little thing called morning sickness.  And let me tell you...there is no such thing as it just happening in the morning.  Not in my case anyway.  I am sick morning, noon, evening, and even in the middle of the night. Oh joy.  But I know with those many waves of nausea and puking in the sinks and shower (sorry for the graphic details), that two little beanies are continuing to grow.  And wow are they growing.

We went in for our final ultrasound with the Fertility Center and with Dr. S! It was a bitter sweet appointment.  I have been going to this office for blood draws and ultrasounds every week or two since just about March.  Crazy to think, it's finally time to move on.  Milestones I tell ya!

We went in on 9w6d.  Dr. S was very sympathetic for my continued ralphing over the past few weeks, shall we say, and just kept telling me to drink LOTS of water and keep taking the medication to help kick it down a notch.  And for the most part, the meds have seemed to help.  There are some days that I can take it, and low and behold, it does nothing.  But mostly it kicks in and is a life saver.  I have fortunately been making it through my days at school.  Luckily, no running out on any of my classes.  I think I mentally force myself to hold back.  But some days as soon as the last bell rings, I am making a run for it.  Just have to say, I am grateful to be right across the hall from the bathroom!

So, back to our last appointment.  It went well.  Dr. S told us, and I quote, we have "some bruisers growing!" What does that mean exactly?! Well, it means that even just at a mere 10 weeks along, we have some huge babies growing.  Just the thing to make this already nervous pregnant chick a little more scared.  =)  He said they are doing wonderful.  What was really amazing and really got to me and the hubby was how much they were moving.  I think it was something both of us needed to see, but boy did it catch us both off guard.  They both were moving so much, Dr. S was having a hard time getting measurements. In the picture below, you can kind of tell that Baby B was moving as the picture was taken.  Ah, already workin' the camera!


9w6d along

Apparently, they are now the size of prunes.  It is so funny to see how they base the measurements on food on thebump.com.  Speaking of food, I am slowly but surely getting a little more food down every day...depending on the day.  At 8 weeks along, I did my weekly weigh in on our home scale.  It became evident that all the sickness and no eating was not a good thing.  I have dropped 15lbs since I became pregnant.  Trust me, I am not worrying too much.  I am sure once my appetite and love of food returns, I will easily and quickly put that 15 lbs on plus some. 

So, as for now, we just continue to take it week by week.  We are excited to have "graduated" from the fertility center and move on to our OB/GYN.  I am grateful my doctor actually takes on multiples and high risk pregnancies.  We have our first appointment on Wednesday.  We are looking forward to it.  Now, we just look forward to every Saturday and another week down (and I keep saying little prayers that the morning sickness is working its way out of my system).  I am hoping that as most people say, I will lose the sick feeling and start to get more energy.  With that, maybe I'll even get back into blogging more than once in a blue moon! I hope everyone is well and say again, thanks for all the love and support we continue to receive.  And I'll be in touch with more milestones soon!!!

Have a great rest of the weekend all!

Today's lesson: Irony

Well, last week marked the start of my 7th year of teaching (8th year at GV) and wow was it a long week.  =) I feel very excited about my year and my group of kids seem like they may survive me, which is always a good thing! LOL! I figured irony was a great title to this post because it is so relevant.  Not only has it already been brought up in my classroom (I have some smart kiddos), but it seems to be the bane of my existance right now.  Why, you may ask.  Well, because of how I have been feeling and what it means.

The common question I get lately is "How are you feeling?" I try to smile and say ok or good, but really I end up looking all depressed and saying, "I feel like crap!"  The worst part is, I am so excited to be here and in this situation! This IS what I have wanted, prayed for, begged to experience.  But two and a half weeks ago, my body went AWOL on me and decided that even though food and I usually have a lovely relationship, it was going to kick food to the curb! Let me translate that...I can hardly eat and when I do, it is not much. And most of the time it is a gamble...Do I feel lucky today?! Let's just say, I have really started chewing my food into much smaller pieces!

So, this fits in perfectly into an example for irony because although I feel completely crappy (that may be a bit of an understatement), it is a great thing.  It means the little beans are growing and although I hate it every time my tummy gets an aching pain and I know I am in the need for a few saltines and some water, I am grateful to know they are still in there and taking full advantage of the cush environment I have for them. 

With all that being said, I have recently learned that I need to take it easier more now than ever.  I unfortunately let my "morning" sickness get the better of me this past Sunday (yeah, and let it be said, there is nothing about my sickness that just happens in the morning...it is ALL day long lately).  I ended up getting sick every hour (all while on a drive back to Vegas from my BFFs beautiful wedding).  Thankfully my sister (you are amazing T, love you!) jumped in the car to drive me home without hesitation.  There is nothing like puking all morning and then going for a 6 1/2 hour car drive to continue that feeling.  Needless to say, it didn't get better but worse.  When all was said and done, I called Dr. S and he told me to go the ER stat, that I was going to be severly dehydrated and that is no bueno for the beanies.  So off to the ER we went, my hubby, sis and I.  Fortunately, being preggers gets you a fast pass to a bed in the ER. We were there for a total of 2 hours, I got one solid, large bag of fluids (the IV in the arm made me weep like a hysterical baby), and I got a double dose of Zofran (an amazing anti-puking med).  After paying a small arm and a leg, we had a prescription for more anti-puking meds for my very rough mornings and were home to rest for Labor Day.

I am feeling much better now and am hoping to get this puking epidemic under control (here's hoping!). We have another blood test this week and a 3rd ultrasound next week.  I don't remember if I mentioned it in the last post or not, but we did get to see some heartbeats!  Two strong ones...133 and 132.  Grow beanies grow!


(They kind of look like little seahorses right now! This is them at 6w5d)

Now, I just look forward to every meal that I can actually hold down and am hoping I follow the stories of those who said their sickness only last the first trimester and not those like my nurse at the ER who said hers lasted 9 months.  Really?! Why do some feel the need to really scare the first time preggo with tales like that?! That is just another post entirely! Well, night all and thanks again for all the continued love and support.  It means the world to us!!

5w3d...That's code for so far, so good!

Moving forward! We have made it to the point where we were able to go in for our first ultrasound today. I couldn't sleep at all this morning, my tummy was doing flip flops. Definitely nerves more than excitement I think. As you can tell by the title, we are 5 weeks 3 days along.  That is exciting in the IF world, but barely a blip on the radar in the pregnancy world. Many people don't say publicly that they are pregnant until they are through the first trimester...that would mean us not saying anything for another 7 weeks.  Me keeping my mouth shut for another 7 weeks?  Ha, not sure how long I could last (clearly not long since I have decided to blog about it).

Also, I really needed today to happen.  I had this horrible feeling that we would go in and Dr. S would say there wasn't anything to see on the ultrasound (although, I am sure all my headaches and queasiness would say otherwise).  As soon as he walked in the room, he said Hi, gave me a big old smile and hand shake and then said, "You look very worried. Are you ok?"  I told him I was fine, just nervous.  He assured me that he would have known by the numbers previously if anything wasn't right. He's so sweet and reassuring.

Then we got down to business.  Dr. S just looked at the screen for a minute (which I couldn't see at this point) and said, "Well, you're definitely pregnant. And...long pause for dramatics I'm sure...there's two!" Insert an emotional burst of tears and there we are! The hubby was by my side to see when they turned the screen in our direction and asked if they were tears of happiness.  Of course they were.  I was so fearful of this one not working out like the last, I felt it hard to believe my numbers were high and rising rapidly.  I needed more reassurance.  Nothing that I guess a beautiful ultrasound can't cure!!!

So here they are, are beanies.  They are each the size of an appleseed right now.  We have another ultrasound next week to make sure there are just two, one in each sac.  =) LOL! I think we'll take this crazy enough status as it is, with 2 little beans!!!


We still have quite a ways to go!!!   We won't be REALLY in the clear until we hit 9 weeks pregnant and then Dr. S will release us to my OB/GYN. After that point, miscarriage would be less than a 2% chance.  I will eagerly get through each day saying many prayers and lots of positive thoughts. 

Grow beanies grow!!!

I've Been Avoiding You Haven't I?!

If you think I have been a little quiet on here and posting about kind of obscure, non-transfer related things, you are probably right.  Why?, you may ask. Well, after our successful transfer in June and that loss, I got scared.  Really that's all I can chalk it up to. It's scary putting yourself out there and having people really care about and congratulate you, and then having to explain that it didn't work out (silly thing is, I guess it's easier to do it through a blog then in person).  Duh! Now I know why they tell people to get through their first trimester before going public.  But, with that said, I feel like the IVF world is a little different because some people know you are going through the process and eventually the gig is up, you have to have some news (also, because a couple months ago I made the conscious effort to start a blog about my crazy life...note to self- if I really didn't want people knowing, I guess I wouldn't blab it on the internet.  LOL!).  =) So, with that being said, I'm sure most of you have put two and two together and realized that it's been 14 days since our 2nd transfer. And if that's the case, you are sure that we must have some news.  LOL! Well, we do.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, the most important thing after a FET (frozen embryo transfer) is the hCG levels.  Well, we have been eagerly watching mine, and let's just say, they are more impressive than the first go around. I have had 5 blood tests since our transfer and the numbers are more than doubling (that is great!).  I wish I could say I am jumping for joy, but I think my mind is taking over my heart this time around.  We have classified ourselves as cautiously happy! I am sure the caution will eventually dissipate, but that will take a little time. 



So, I figure for those of my friends who are teachers, we have all been away from school for a little too long and I am sure we all need to get back into that mindset of school.  What better to get us in that mindset than good 'ole numbers (I as an English teacher would prefer some good literature, but I figure the NY Times article in the last post could qualify as that). These are my hCG levels/numbers (and I know most of you are IVF/FET-illiterate, but I assure you, these are good numbers...high achieving numbers like me!):
Beta #1 (8/7/11-4dp5dt) - 17
Beta #2 (8/8/11-5dp5dt) - 59
Beta #3 (8/10/11-7dp5dt) - 185
Beta #4 (8/13/11-10dp5dt) - 546
Beta #5 (8/15/11-12dp5dt) - 1624

Now what? We continue to live life, relax as much as possible, and continue to be poked for more blood tests as well as prepare ourselves for some other tests coming up.  As always, I will keep you posted.  There may be a  little break here and there as school is getting ready to start, but I will not forget about those of you who are loyal followers (I'd say Thanks Mom at this point, but I don't think she has figured out how to become one of my 16 actual followers yet. hehe!). Thanks again all for the love and support! Enjoy the rest of your summer, as short as it is.  Maybe dream of a paradise like the one below to get you through your work week if your summer did not allow a hiatus from your job! =)

Pregnant with Twins but...they only want one. Crazy!

Wow is all I can say after reading this NY Times article. It is a little long, but worth it. I just think, I can't imagine if me or my twin weren't born! How can someone really make that choice just because they think that having twins is going to be more exhausting or they won't be able to handle it? I mean, I understand, trust me.  I am 1/2 of a whole (I know the trouble twins can get into, I lived it!), but to actually  go through everything you can to try to get pregnant and have a baby (because most of these reductions are done for IVF patients), then you take the risk of eliminating one.  It just baffles me! Read the article and tell me what you think.  I am interesting in hearing your thoughts. I want to say I understand and can see why in some cases, but I just can't. 

The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy


http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/14/magazine/the-two-minus-one-pregnancy.html?pagewanted=all

Sneaking into my Subconcious

It seems that no matter how much you tell yourself you are NOT going to think about something, your subconscious doesn't feel like it has to follow along.  Anyone going through fertility treatments knows the agony of the 2WW (2 week wait-that period between the transfer and the determining blood test to confirm pregnancy). Well, I feel like my first time around and that experience set me up for more "unwanted" thinking this time around.  For some reason I think my lack of knowledge (especially with knowing about hCG levels) was actually a benefit after our first transfer.  Why you ask? Because it seems that this time around I am neurotically waiting for the typical afternoon phone call after the blood test each time to know what my hCG levels are (these are what ultimately signal whether someone is pregnant by showing if the number is doubling in a 48-72 hour period). And it has been so on the forefront of my mind that I actually had a dream JUST about numbers two nights ago! Let's think about this...I'm an English teacher, not a math teacher.  My mind doesn't see numbers beyond how much something costs or points for an assignment, stuff like that. 

When I woke up the next morning, I just sat there in a daze for a few minutes.  NUMBERS...numbers going up, doubling, watching and hoping and praying for the numbers.  Geez, I kind of feel like someone with huge investments in the stock market right now! Guess I just have a different kind of investment.  =)

So, we continue to wait.  I think part of my anxiousness comes this time around too because even when we get the results from the actual pregnancy test, I still won't believe it because of what happened with our last transfer.  It is one of those points in time where I will be excited for a moment I think (that's assuming we get the GREAT news we are hoping for) and then will go back to worrying about the next blood test and the numbers.  UGH! The human mind...our own minds...they can play such nasty tricks on us.  And I know as many people have told me, Don't worry about it and just relax...trust me, I am trying.  No matter what, I will try to take it one day and one blood test at a time.  Just a little update as of now, we had a blood test Sunday (4dp5dt) and on Monday (5dp5dt) and the numbers went up considerably and Dr. S called to tell us there had been implantation.  That is a great first step! Now........we.......just.........continue.......to........wait. =)

Part of a Sisterhood

One thing I never expected going into this whole infertility world was the sisterhood that I would be joining.  It has been AMAZING! I was first blown away by the amount of women, some I am quite close to, who have experienced issues with their fertility (and for the most part, I didn't know).  But I am so comforted by the bond I now have (some with complete strangers that I have met and since become friends with)! This experience, trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years, then going into a fertility clinic and going through IVF (actually coming to terms with the fact that I am considered infertile) is something I never imagined would be a reality for the hubby and me. But more than just having all of this bring my hubby and I closer in our marriage and relationship, I have had some beautiful friendships come out of it.  It is crazy to think of women having to go through this silently.  I am grateful for the many voices out there starting to speak up about it (which is evident by the amount of blogs I have been tuned into lately too).

Truly, I am just grateful for the women that have been so understanding since even before the first shot in my tummy because they could relate to what I was going through.  Now don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for all the support from ALL of my friends and family, but there is a certain ununexplainable bond that happens between women who are going or have gone through this.  It helps to have someone to bitch to about the knots in my butt from the progesterone in oil shots, can relate to the agony of watching hCG levels every two or three days post transfer, and who actually get excited by the number of follicles that are developing before a retrieval! I know that someday soon I will join the sisterhood of motherhood, but 'til then, I relish this small, intimate (and largely humorous!) sisterhood that has welcomed me with open arms. 

Double The Odds?!

What's better than 1 shot at trying to get pregnant? 2 shots (well, technically we have a few more if this one doesn't pan out!)! And oddly enough that number has double the meaning. Today we experienced our 2nd IVF transfer. On top of that, we had 2 very good embryos transferred in!! It's been a chill 2 or so weeks since we found out our last transfer ultimately failed and we were roaring & ready to go!!

Couldn't be a better shot of me huh?!  I kind of "dressed up" for the occasion (earrings too!).  I told the hubby, "No reason not to look good when I get knocked up!"  =) There just isn't a flattering shot of me "looking good" I guess with a hair cover on.  LOL!

We felt good knowing what we were going into this time around.  Not rookies anymore!



Gotta have a feet shot right?! I just have to say, I was thankful for the booties since I haven't had a pedi in a while.  Wouldn't want Dr. S to see some bad toes (Ha! Like he is even looking there...you know you all were thinking it!) LMAO! 

So we got to the doctor's office at 11:30 and I immediately had blood drawn.  Then I was whisked to the back room to change and get ready.  By 12:05, the hubby and I were in the Procedure Room waiting for Dr. S and the 2 nurses who assist.  I have to say, I was really jazzed for it this time.  I know I was nervous the first go around and had NO clue what to expect, but there is something to be said about having some more background knowledge about what is going to happen. 

 

Dr. S said we had two good looking embryos to be transferred.  I am waiting for him to reply to my email about what they were graded because that is a whole other bit of information I wasn't aware of asking about until this time around.  I was really excited because I actually saw them be "released" into the wild, better known as my uterus, this time on the ultrasound.  Last time, I am pretty sure I was not looking in the right place and totally missed it.  Yes, I am one of those people who really can't figure out ultrasounds to save my life.  Babies and their "bits" have to really be pointed out to me all the time.  =)  That was so exciting to me though this time.  Hubby talked to me the whole time, asking "Do you see it?"  He wanted to be sure I did this time and I DID! 

 

Now we are on to our 3 days of bedrest.  This to me (along with the waiting to take the preganancy blood test a couple weeks after the transfer) is the hardest part.  I am not the kind of person who can just SIT or LAY around for a day, let alone 3.  I mean, I think that is evident with the fact that I went to school for a few minutes the other day and was excited to walk on campus.  I know, I am a dork! But I truly feel at home in my classroom and at my wonderful school!  Lord knows, I will be begging to have this kind of down time in 3 weeks after school starts, but for now, I will pretend that I really can't wait to get back.  LOL!

 

For a second time, we find ourselves waiting.  We have 4 blood tests over the next couple of weeks and will be keeping a close eye on my numbers, especially the hCG levels. (I explain those levels a little here if you want a better understand of what we are looking for during all these blood tests.) Fingers are crossed, prayers are being said, and we will continue to take it one day and one week at a time!

There's This Awesome New Roller Coaster...

You might be wondering, where is this amazing, exciting, thrilling new roller coaster? Is it scary...thrilling...heart racing? Is it super high with giant climbs and huge drops? Of course it is! You are now asking yourself, which awesome amusement park is this roller coaster inhabiting? What's the roller coaster called? Well, I will not make you wait a moment longer! This crazy new roller coaster is..........
smack dab in the middle of Las Vegas and goes by the name of Michelle's Crazy Life!


I know it might be crazy to compare my life to a roller coaster right now (geez, I know there were times in the past few years where it literally seemed like one even more so than now!), but I can't help it.  I feel like I am at a point, especially getting ready to do our 2nd IVF transfer, where I now know what is going on and how things are going to happen, so why do I feel, in a way, more anxious?! Part of me seems to be some what calmer, knowing how things will operate on that day when we go into Dr. S's office. But I think more than anything, I am even more anxious for the wait after the transfer this time, and then of course that looming pregnancy test and the post-pregnancy blood tests (because I am just going to say it, we are going to get preggers from this transfer! I feel it!).  I feel like our first transfer was a test run.  You know, like a pre-test? Something teachers like to do often just to ease the anxiety of our students.  And I feel like we passed.  We made it through and with what could even be said "with flying colors."  So, then why that icky feeling in my stomach this time, like I'm sitting at the top of the highest point of the roller coaster getting ready to let gravity take control as I soar down the other side? I should be an "old pro" this time around!

And speaking of an old pro, I really feel like I should be over being a baby during my nightly progesterone in oil shots! Nah, that would be too easy for my hubby each time.  =) I mean, I don't drag on the whining, but I definitely make it known how much it hurts for that minute or two.  LOL.  What fun is it if I can't be a little dramatic during this whole process.  For crying out loud, I have been visiting the doctor, having those oh so intimate ultrasounds, getting blood drawn, taking an abundant amount of meds and having shots in my ass for the better half of 3 months now. 

So, as the coaster starts that final slow crawl towards the top of the biggest drop, and the *clink, clink, clink* noise can be heard loud and clear, I will practice my new found breathing from yoga and find my zen place, because I know this drop is going to happen and when I finally get off the ride, I will smile big and proclaim how it was the ride of a lifetime!

For better and for worse!

Three years ago yesterday I married the most amazing man, my best friend and my true love. It was a beautiful, amazing day! One that will always be bright in my bank of memories!

One thing I remember fondly was our vows that we chose to write on our own.  Now I know we didn't go with the traditional "To have and to hold, for better or worse, 'til death do us part..." but we definitely had that element in there (among my promising to learn how to cook more than tuna casserole and not be SUCH a bad back seat driver, to which I must say I have expanded the dinner menu enormously. =) As for the back seat driving, some things are just impossible to change!). I just think about how young (ok, younger) and naive we were then.  And on that day we joined our lives, we certainly didn't think it would take us two years of trying to conceive, and ending up down the path of IVF in our journey to start a family. But what I do know is that my husband has been there for me, no holds bar, throughout this entire journey. And that is something that can be said in vows, but it is the love that is truly shown through action! I am so grateful for him and his understanding through all of this! His support, hugs, encouraging words, gentle shot giving, has shown that he truly meant those words that were said as we stood across from each other three years ago! Thank you honey for being the most amazing husband a woman could ever ask for!

Our vows still have much to speak to as we are continuing on this journey.  We have started our second transfer cycle and will be going through another embryo transfer in the coming weeks.  I was fortunate to have a break from the gamut of hormones that I was on, but only for a week or two.  We have started them again and start the lovely progesterone shots tonight.  Oh joy! =)  We are praying hard and are very optimistic for this second try.  More than anything we are just grateful we get another chance as we are a part of the fertility clinic's study.  So, onward we venture! And hopefully one day soon I will have great news to bring to everyone.  For now, I guess everyone will just have to settle for my silly antics and babble and rants.  =)

Yup, I am her! It's not so bad, right?!

I can't help but talk about some more of the show I have been addicted to lately. You may be asking yourself, just how much TV is she actually watching this summer?  The answer = TOO MUCH!

But, it has been the perfect time (and a great way to stay out of the 100+ degree temps) to watch the whole Sex and the City series (which every girl should enjoy!). So I was just getting into the 6th season, and low and behold there is Charlotte again concerned about getting preggers.  And where does she happen to go in one particular episode? To the acupuncturist! It was great.  I sat there laughing, looking at Charlotte with all those needles sticking out of her and could only think that it must be exactly what I looked like when I went to the acupuncturist the day before our 1st transfer.  I say that because as I was actually there, I didn't have the guts to open my eyes and see exactly what ALL those needles looked like sticking out of my ears, arms, hands, tummy, legs, etc.!

Clearly, me watching all of this series is purely to take my mind off of things (like the impending 2nd transfer, preparing for the start of the school year, being at home all alone for a week, all that good stuff) and I must say, it's working! =) On that note, I will get back to my hour limit of SATC episodes for today and try not to make you think that I am a total couch potato (although, I am sure I'll be begging for this down time come next month as I am on my feet for 7 hours a day educating the youth of America).  =) That's how I make myself feel better while really working in my permanent butt mark at this time! ;)

"We're not barren! We're reproductively challenged!"

Personality Quiz Time...Which Sex and the City character are you?
Are you the oversexed and super horny Samantha? The overbearing, slightly neurotic Miranda? The hopelessly romantic Charlotte? Or the ever lovable and witty Carrie? I certainly thought Sure, I can be a little bit of Charlotte, but I have to have some Carrie in me! Right?!  =)  I'm thinking I finally confirmed that I am more Charlotte than I really wanted to admit!

Why did I come to this realization? Did I find myself wearing pearls and reading Home and Garden magazine? No, not a chance. But what does one do with a summer off, no work, not a lot of friends in town, no commitments beyond doctors appointments and such? Well, besides reading a slew of books, movies have been keeping me some company.  I have made it my mission to watch the entire Sex and the City series through this "down time" summer and I have forgotten how much I liked the show!  And remember all those quizzes that asked, Which Sex and the City character are you? I found myself always being told I was like Charlotte.  This made me laugh, because I didn't think I was that prim and proper...but then I watched an episode last night. It was perfect.  Charlotte and Trey had been trying to get pregnant and there is a specific scene of Charlotte's butt with little bruises and marks from all the hormone shots. Holy crap...there is my summer routine right on the TV (except I have an extremely engaged and supportive hubby, and a much more flabby ass. lol!)! And as Charlotte and Trey are discussing their situation, he calls them a "barren" couple.  And I LOVE Charlotte's response.  "We're not barren. We're reproductively challenged!" This was the greatest episode.  She goes on to say how she met other "reproductively challenged" couples in their building and at the doctor's office.  It's great! Charlotte is making the most of her situation and putting it out there (in her own way) and trying to really understand the situation she finds herself in. 

Hmmm! I guess I do have more Charlotte in me than I thought! =) And I have to say, that's not bad.  She is a very optimistic, hopeful character and at this point in the "game" I feel that's what I really need to be! So, as we move into Transfer Round 2 (yup, we have decided to go ahead again for another cycle), I will put on my "Charlotte face" and keep saying my prayers and thinking positive! And I guess if all else fails, we could just put our names on a list for a Mandarin baby like Lilly. =) Gotta love Charlotte!

Oh Those Little Laws of Nature

I saw this somewhere on the internet and it got me thinking, we are all subjected to nature throughout our lives in several different ways.  And I have to believe that after a few million years, nature knows what it's doing (as well as that higher power I believe in).  But with that said, I thought I would put it out there that after the blood test on Tuesday and finding out that the pregnancy had terminated, we are doing well.  I had another blood test on Friday and Dr. S called and told me that all my levels (hCG and such) are back to zero. That's a great thing! It means we can do another transfer again if we want to. He also confirmed what he had originally thought, that I had what is called a biochemical pregnancy.  What that means is, the body terminated the pregnancy because there were most likely chromosomal abnormalities with the embryo.  Hence...the laws of nature at work.

However, this is not the end for us.  We are fortunate to be apart of a study through our doctors' office that allows us another transfer(s), with us just having to cover the cost of medications.  That is such a blessing (I'll take that snip it of costs any day)! So...what is the next step? We have a consultation with Dr. S on Tuesday to kind of get more of a run down on the transfer, what happened, what it means for future transfers, etc.  I am looking forward to it and to learning more about this process of IVF and infertility!

The crazy thing is, last Tuesday I had to stop taking all my meds immediately.  Talk about "coming down" off of them! I can totally feel the difference in a lot of things (heat flashes are back...didn't miss those, emotions are more up AND down...boy, I was really getting used to feeling "normal" there for a while!). I think my body is getting a bit of a rest though, and then I am sure we will start up the gamut of meds again soon.  Maybe then I will get back to that "normal" feeling I was starting to enjoy so much! =)

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Not Always A Fairy Tale Ending

When dealing with infertility and especially with IVF, we always need to be aware that things may not
work out as wonderfully as would be anticipated.  I think I can only say this after about 24 hours of sitting and thinking about where we find ourselves now at this point in our journey.  On Monday, July 11, I went in for another blood test to make sure that my hCG levels were continuing to double. I didn't end up getting my normal afternoon update call and I found myself super anxious.  On top of that, I started getting a horrible rash in both spots where I was getting the progesterone in oil shots on my back and decided to email Dr. S to ask what I should do.  I also happened to mention I didn't hear back with any levels update and that's when he told me that the blood test went through an outside office, meaning it would take possibly an extra day to get the results back. He did say though that he wanted me to come in on Tuesday so he could look at the rash and determine if it was a reaction to the shots.

So, I went in to see Dr. S yesterday morning and was hopeful to get my levels at that time too.  I must admit, I really was feeling confident and positive for this appointment. I just thought he would give me something to take care of the rash, congratulate me on my levels excelling (which as a teacher and A student all my life is the only thing I expect to hear...Yes dear, your body is amazing and continues your A+ status! Ha!) and send me on my way. Boy, was there something else in store entirely! Dr. S took at a look at my rash and told me that I would stop taking the shots.  I asked if that was ok, obviously thinking how they are suppose to help the pregnancy. That's when he looked at me and said it was not a problem because actually my levels had dropped, leavning  I was dumbfounded.

I wasn't quite sure I was understanding what he just said.  I got to give it to Dr. S, he has the sweetest and most sympathetic face.  He reiterated what he just said by saying that my hCG levels went from 51 to 41.  This is not a good thing.  He explained to me that the embryo was just bad and so the pregnancy terminated itself.  The body knows when something just isn't right. 

It was just hard to hear and accept that after 3 days of embracing what I had wanted so bad. 

I am no longer pregnant.

I think I was appearing to handle it well at that moment, but then Dr. S launched into his "You know this isn't your fault" spiel. I lost it at that moment.  The tears and snot just started flowing.  Oddly enough, at that moment, I felt bad for the nurse who was in the room with us.  She just kind of pushed herself up into the corner and waited quietly.  Dr. S gave me two big hugs (awkward as it was, it was also really comforting! Thanks Dr. S) and kept telling me that it wasn't because of any exercise I might have done (which, I have to say I really didn't just to stay on the safe side) or because of anything I ate, etc.  And he told me that now we found ourselves in a really great position.  He said it is great to know that the embryo implanted.  That is a huge success.  And he is very optimistic for the next transfer.

As I still find myself mentally playing over the events of yesterday, I know in my heart (and I am a true believer) that everything happens for a reason.  I have said it all my life and know that God will only give us what we can handle (oh, He gives me so much credit!). I am thankful for all the love and support I continue to receive from friends and family!!!! This is truly the only way we can make it through these ups and downs.

I think that is enough blabbing for now. This is not the end, just a minor time to pause and reflect. I'll keep you all updated in the coming days.

Double or nothing...no whammies, no whammies!

What exactly are we hoping will double, you ask? Well, as much as I would like if it had something to do with money (wouldn't that be nice?!), it doesn't.  =)

 It actually is a special little number that is seen with every blood test we are doing since we have done the transfer, numbers referring to the hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin, also known as hCG.  This number is what tells if a woman is pregnant. It is what a home pregnancy, POAS test picks up on to show the exciting word "pregnant"! It is hard to say what number women should have, but there are some charts that say at what number and above constitutes pregnancy.  And then, what the doctor wants to see from every blood test forward is for the hCG level to be at least doubling. Now, most women would probably never be aware of this hormone or what their levels are, and that's understandable.  But women who happen to be going through infertility treatments such as IVF tend to not only know this number, they tend to pray heavily about this number! Trust me...I now am myself.  =)

So, geez get to the point already, right?! LOL! On Tuesday, July 5th I had my first blood test after my transfer.  At that point they added one more medication to my regimen, for a total of 5 meds and I was told to come back in 2 days. Wow, I feel like a druggie throughout my day, popping a bunch of pills, wearing patches, and shooting drugs into my a$$!  Then I had a second blood test on Thursday, July 7th. I was able to talk with the nurse that afternoon and she told me my levels at that point.  I mean, I had been sitting here reading all these blogs and websites (I know, I know, I shouldn't be. It will drive me crazy, but some seem to be pretty informative) and all these women seem to know these numbers, and I was feeling left out.  It isn't information the nurses just offer up when they call.  They are just suppose to tell me about my meds.  So, I asked and here is what the nurse said...my hCG level on Tuesday was a 9, then a 24 on Thursday. That's good.  There is that doubling and essentially it confirmed that our little embryo that was transferred implanted. Success #1!!!

Then I went in for the BIG test on Saturday, July 9th. They were looking for the same numbers in this blood test (estrogen, progesterone, and of course hCG) and the doctor would either tell us we were pregnant or not.  We went in at 7:15am and would have to wait for a call a couple of hours later. Dr. S. called us at 10:55 and said, "Congratulations. You are pregnant!" What?! Really?! It worked?

It did work! My hCG level was a 51 (hello doubling!). We are super excited BUT we do realize that we are still in the very early stages of this pregnancy. We still have many blood tests and ultrasounds ahead of us in the coming weeks and I will still remain on the various medications to help my body prepare to carry this baby.  There was a big debate and a bit of internal conflict of whether I should actually post the words "we're pregnant" on here, but I feel like I haven't held back yet, so why now? I mean, I have been an open book about this whole process and just can't imagine shutting up at this point. We are elated with this wonderful news, but we are taking it one day at a time, and one blood test at a time.  We have our next blood test tomorrow morning, so come on skyrocketing numbers!!!

At this point, we are approximately 4 weeks along and should have an ultrasound in about 8 days just for Dr. S. to take a closer look at things. I am nervous.  I want to shout it from the roof tops but realize the sensitivity of the situation (I know, you are thinking, Really? Because you just shouted it from your blog...close enough to a roof top don't you think?).  LOL! I am feeling good.  I can smell everything 100x more than everyone around me, I swear, and nap at least once or twice a day. Guess those are some typical symptoms. =) I'm just grateful to be on summer break right now and to have a relaxed atmosphere to allow me to go through this time with really no stress! So...there it is.  Success! Now the real journey begins!

Tick Tock

TICK TOCK!!! What's the first thing you think of when you hear these two words? For some reason I can't help myself, but automatically start singing Ke$ha's song..."tick tock on the clock but the party don't stop!" The beat starts pumping; I'm grooving to it in my head.  This is quite the party I am having these days, yeah? =)



But now I am getting away from what I am really thinking about, which ultimately is good I suppose.  My last post was about our FET, or frozen embryo transfer, that took place on Thursday, June 30th. Dr. S called it a successful transfer and then proceeded to tell us the process for the next couple of weeks, known in the IVF world as the dreaded 2ww (the 2 week wait). What the wait refers to is knowing whether or not the embryo implanted and really whether or not we are pregnant (ha, we! Of course I mean the collective whole of the hubby and I as a couple, LOL!) . 



This 2ww started with me being on bed rest for 72 hours. UGH! Yes, it seems just as long or even longer than you can imagine.  I like a good lazy day just as much as the next person, but I am somewhat of a get up and go kind of gal, and I guess I don't mind being lazy...until I am told that I HAVE to be.  =/ Don't get me wrong, I followed the doctor's orders.  I was to stay in a reclined/laying position for 45 minutes and then could get up and move around a bit for 15 every hour.  I never did stay up that long of course.  I usually just would get up and pee and then hurry back to my indented spot of the couch. I feel like the couch now has the perfect mold of my big ol' butt! So, what do you do during 3 days of immobility? The answer is anything you can to keep your mind off of an achy back and butt! Oh, and your impending probability of being preggers!

I watched endless amounts of the Sex and the City series (shockingly I even got my hubby in to some episodes...ok, not shocking right? Not with all the T&A now that I think about it.  LOL!). I read a fantastic book that I am expecting my sophomores to be reading this summer. Definitely got in some Internet surfing (it's amazing how much more I learned about the IVF process during that time) and even accomplished a True Blood 3rd season marathon! And I even had a couple of upbeat friends call, text, message and some who even visited and who were fortunate to see a new "side" of me (haha, =) Thanks Jenn and Amanda for your help!)!!! Needless to say, I survived my bed rest!

However, how about the 7 days after that?! Now it's all about continuing to relax, thinking positive, lots of prayers, and trying to stay busy. I have some friends going through this very same process and it's funny to touch base a couple of days here and there into their 2ww.  It is a consensus I believe that patience, although a virtue, is a bitch during this time (excuse my french)! But with the end goal in mind, IT IS ALL WORTH IT!

I certainly didn't think I would have this long of a rant today. Geez, you must be thinking...Wow, we can tell someone has been a little cooped up! Yes, I feel a little like Chatty Kathy these days.  So I am sure, as I have had many friends ask, you are probably wonder when we will know the BIG news. Today was a blood test to check progesterone and estrogen levels and to start monitoring my hCG levels (those are the ones that end up telling us if we are preggers or not).  The test this morning won't give us any crucial information.  We have one more minor blood test on Thursday and then the pregnancy test on Saturday.  I was informed today that they were lowering my progesterone in oil shots down from 2cc to 1cc.  Those are the shots in the a$$ that are giving me knots the size of Texas. Ok, that is a bit of a dramatic statement.  But I wouldn't put them past being the shape the size of of large grape.  The hubby just said, "Oh honey, those are the size of peanuts." Um, you wanna bet? And let's just say I would win this one! LOL! And then I have had 1 more med added to my regimen, making it up to 5. Phew! That's a lot of hormones for one crazy little chick!

So, we wait.  And I appreciate all my lovely friends and family who are waiting just as anxiously with us.  The big question is whether or not we will reveal our outcome of the pregnancy test here on the blog when we find out.  Some wonder if maybe it is jumping the gun a little because it would be quite early in the pregnancy and we all know that things can happen (I am one of those cautious some at points during the deliberation of to tell or not to tell) but others think that I have already laid my heart, soul, emotions, and a$$ out on the line this far, so why stop now. =)  I truly think that is my overall frame of mind.  No matter what happens, I know I will have love and support from those close to me. We all know the saying, "It takes a village...", well, why not have that village in my most crucial and vulnerable time, right? Guess we'll just have to see how it all plays out.  On that note, my apologies for the longest post in history (did it feel long? Sorry.  I couldn't help it! Lots to say!) and I will keep you posted!

The Art of Relaxation

The deed is done! We've successfully completed our IVF transfer! We ended up only having 1 embryo that was in good shape after the thaw, but we're feeling very optimistic!!!

Overall, it has been quite an experience and one that still has me shaking my head, finding it hard to believe that I can actually be called an infertile...and now an infertile who has gone through IVF! But this part, it was an exciting experience. We got to watch on the ultrasound the embryo being "released" into the uterus!! Very cool!


Honey waiting patiently!


Me, not so patient because I have a full bladder & it was freezing in the procedure room!


One excited couple! Here's hoping for good results!!!

Now for the 2ww!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Um yeah, poke me here, poke me there!

I'm four shots in (yup, the painful ones leaving bruises and knots on my butt!) and some days seem harder than others! I sat there last night kind of caught up in the pain thinking to myself, am I really having to go through all of THIS to get pregnant? I sat talking with my sister the other day and mentioned to her that I really never thought that I would just not be able to get pregnant.  I mean, everyone says it, so I guess I thought it too. I am young, healthy, in relatively good shape (ok, climbing stairs does take my breath away, but doesn't it for everyone?) and no explained reason why I can't get pregnant!

But then I really let my self pity and wallowing get to me and had that quick lame thought...Why me? Why do I have to have shots in my butt every night, and a medication regimen to rival the best nursing home inhabitant just to get pregnant? Not only that, but I find that when you are getting ready to do an IVF transfer, you are willing to do anything to ensure that it has the BEST chances for success.  With that said, I found myself sprawled out on a doctor's table this morning with around 15 acupuncture needles  in various locations from head to toe (literally, I had one in my ear, a couple in my hands, in my tummy, my legs, all the way down to my ankles and top of me feet!)!



So I find myself less than 24 hours away from my very first transfer of possibly 2 embryos (leading hopefully to a baby or two) and that nasty little devilish creature called doubt, aka fear, is peeling his way into my generally enthusiastic, positive mind! I am hoping that the exploration with acupuncture this morning (which is my 2nd experience with it actually. I went last summer for my back pain and have to admit, I felt pretty good for a few weeks after) will help center my chi and bring back my focused, positive this is going to work attitude!

Take 'em out to thaw!

No, I am not talking about taking some chicken for dinner tonight and letting it thaw in cold water in the sink! =)

Yesterday was a big day in our IVF treatment (well, at least for our little one(s) to be!).  Our embryos for our transfer on Thursday are being thawed. As far as I know they are only going to thaw 2 of them.  I am praying that they are both solid and healthy and ready for transfer.  I can't help but wonder, are they thawing the first two embryos that reached blastocyst? They are going to choose the "best" ones, right? And do they know which ones are the best? Are they the first ones that reached that blastocyst stage or are they the ones that kind of took their own time? I am not sure if we will get an update from Dr. S prior to going in on Thursday, but I am thinking great thoughts about our little embryos!

With that said,  I can't express to you how badly my a$$ hurts right now! We are 2 days in to the progesterone in oil shots.  I feel like a UFC fighter came up behind me and laid a swift right cross into both of my cheeks! It's a constant kind of achey pain and the kicker is how there are knots where each shot was given.  I guess I'll just take the pain in the a$$ now and then have a perfect child because of it.  =) That's how it should work out right?! LOL! Here's hoping!

How would you do it?

The it I am referring to is parenting. It was so interesting having a little kid in our midst for over a week and seeing a glimpse of how the hubby and I handle our roles, so to speak, as "parents."  Now, don't get me wrong, we were definitely good at auntie and uncle, but it was great to see our common beliefs and ideas of how to handle certain situations take form.  Not many people get to do that before welcoming their own children into the world (ok, maybe those with large families and lots of babies around do, but neither the hubby or I grew up with lots of babies/little kids around). Plus, it was the first time, aside from quick family visits over holidays and such to be around our nephew for a long extended period of time.

The best part was watching my hubby in action. What an amazing man! He is going to be a great father some day and I have always known this, but it was truly the first time seeing him in action for more than just a couple of hours of visiting. He is so gentle and caring and was fantastic with my nephew.  He jumps right up to play with him and to amuse my nephew.  I loved it! 

The biggest question throughout the whole experience was How would we do/handle that with our own children? because of course, we were just reinforcing my sister and brother-in-law's expectations. But it really made us wonder how we would approach certain situations and among other things, discipline. I was grateful for the 9 days we had with our little man, but even more grateful for the experience of looking into my husband and I as parents in the making! It was the greatest start to our summer and one I hope to share with both nephews in future summers to come!

Ultimately, this leads me to my question(s) for all of you (those who for some reason have found yourself sucked into my little blog and thanks by the way). What do you consider your parenting style? Are you a very hands on parent? Do you believe in spanking (we didn't spank my nephew in case you were worried, but it is something I wonder about with regards to our own children, and something I experience a couple times growing up...but is it a thing of the past?)? Should I worry about my anal personality when I have children? Are you more laid back with raising your own kids? Does that more laid back personality come with a second child?  I am just curious.  How did your world/mindset/beliefs change once your little one(s) finally come into the world??



Of course, being Auntie means doing all the fun things!
Hope you loved your trip to Vegas little man!

 One last note, and completely off subject, we start progesterone in oil shots tonight! Haven't had a good shot in the ass in about a month, so I am a little nervous again.  Eek! Transfer is still on for this coming Thursday. Keep y'all posted.

Little Visitor

For the past 9 days we have had such a wonderful treat, my 5 year old nephew visiting! It has been a whirlwind of excitement and energy, that is for sure! I have to say, I think 5 was the perfect age to have him stay with us 7 hours away from home.  He was such a great little visitor! And boy did we have fun! The hubby and I were able to experience so much about the city of Las Vegas we hadn't before, and even more so through a child's eyes.

We went to 2 baseball games (AAA ball, but still fun) including one with the Las Vegas 51s playing the Reno Aces, my nephew's "home team" so to speak. We discovered the Natural History Museum (cool dinosaurs and Egypt exhibit), saw a couple of $1 movies at the theater to beat the summer heat, went swimming, played on the slip-n-slide, walked the pup every morning, and he even got to go with Uncle to football practice for a couple of mornings! It was a successful visit, and one I feel that he will remember for a long time!

This however is the part where I have to give a kudos to all my mommy friends out there.  I am not going to lie. Hanging with this 5 year old for just 9 days was beyond exhausting! He never stopped (well, not until bed time which seemed to come between 7:30 and 8:30 for the most part). And the kicker was, this little guy is a human alarm clock! He was guaranteed to be in our room saying good morning, playing with our pup or kitty in between 5:30AM and 5:45AM! =) Now, I have to admit, he totally fit in here. We are for sure early risers in this house, but man oh man, isn't there such a thing as sleeping in at least one morning here and there?! Although, it was a great excuse to get up, eat breakfast and walk the pup before the temps really started to rise!

So, as we go into the next week when we are scheduled for our IVF transfer, I have to say that I think I have certainly hit the point where I can 100% say that I am ready to become a mom.  I know we experienced a much different time with hanging out with a 5 year old who is potty trained and has no limits really, but I have been around this little guy since the day he was born! It was the greatest experience to enjoy all he has grown up to be at this time in his life and one that I am excited to experience one day with my own little ones! With that said, thanks sis (an bro-in-law) for letting me kidnap your 1st born for so long. I know this was hard, if not harder on you at points. And thanks little man for spending an amazing 9 days with me and Uncle! You brought so much joy to the beginning of our summer and gave us great laughs and memories! We love you! I'm thinking next year it's off to some MLB games and maybe Disneyland! ;)