You may be asking yourself, what is puffy eye syndrome? Well, I'll tell you...it's also known as pity party, sob story, or even as a night to pout (aka-crying 'til your eyes are bloodshot, snot is flowing, and there is major puffage going on!). And it is the official term that I am giving myself for when I have those moments of weakness and breakdowns. Tonight's breakdown was probably along time coming. I haven't just let my guard down lately to the abundant stress of work (oh how I love having grading for 205+ students...NOT!), the overload of information from the fertility specialist, or the decisions the hubby and I are in the process of making.
The crazy part is, I had my most recent consultation with the fertility clinic yesterday and it was good news. They gave me the low down on our two options, IUI and IVF. And one better piece of news is that I qualified for a case study that they are conducting (which lowers the cost of the overall IVF procedure, among some other nice little benefits). Also, a good friend went with me to the appointment and was able to tell me about some options to possibly get some of the medication covered for this whole shindig. However, the looming stress from this exciting appointment is the actual overall costs of each option. Now, I know I was warned. I am not going to say I wasn't, but I guess in my naive mind (or maybe in my ignorant bliss) I was thinking that the money would somehow not really be an issue. Well, that lovely reality really came to the forefront today. I am sure that this is the case that started this latest installment of puffy eye syndrome. The unfortunate thing is, we never really saved in case we ever had to have a procedure to get pregnant...we just thought we would get pregnant. Who plans for infertility in their 20s and as newlyweds? Um, yeah, didn't think there were too many out there. So when getting pregnant after the first year, the second year, or even 6 rounds of Chlomid didn't happen, we weren't prepared for the "purchase of a small car" so to speak.
On top of that, those are the things that set me over the edge and start my self pity party about how I am defective and so on, so forth. See where I am going with this. It is a domino effect on the emotions and on my over-analyzing brain. Oh joy! But I'll tell you what, venting definitely helps. If you all haven't tried this blog thing...it's not half bad. Especially comes in handy when you work for a school district that talks about cutting around 7% of teachers salaries (which would be 14% in my household with the teacher hubby and wife duo) and you want to go see a therapist about your woes, but you can't afford it (and they probably don't cover it anyway like they don't with infertility). Ok, ok! That was just uncalled for. Venting, pity party, good old bitchfest is over. Thanks for the open ears and open minds! Note to self: when in this kind of mood, just dare your hubby to do something completely ridiculous and absurd (like streaking through the backyard to get the bird feeder for the night...not that my hubby did that). It will make puffy eye syndrome disappear before you know, at least for a little while!
These are great for venting! What are those two procedures about? I could Google them I guess. :) Just remember, God will not deal you something that he doesn't think you can handle.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I'm so sorry you were feeling down. I know the stress about the cost. I had to pay out of pocket for ALL of the costs of having my children. Prenatal, delivery, complications, you name it, we had to pay all of it. It CAN be stressful when you think of the big number, but my mom put it into perspective for me. She said people don't think twice about paying $30,000 or more for their car right? That's sometimes isn't even counting the cost of interest for borrowing the money. And it's not even an investment, it only loses value. (worst thing you can spend money on if you ask me, but that's a whole other conversation=) Anyway, think of it like this...our children will be the BEST investment we could ever make. Take it from me, after the initial sticker shock, the numbers will work themselves out. You'll budget for them like you do any of your other expenses. And you'll never regret doing it. HTH! Hang in there honey!
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