I try not to be one of those people that "what if's" everything, but I can't help it sometimes. What if we did the baby dance (infertility talk for having more hibity-gibity) more while ttc that first year (yeah, I don't think that was possible)...what if I never followed that guy to Vegas (never would have met the man of my dreams)...what if I didn't become a teacher? I mean, it is enough to drive anyone insane! But sometimes it can lead to amazing things. I am thankful and grateful for what my life is, who is a part of it, and believe it or not, all of the ups and downs that have made me who I am. With that being said, I wanted to share this video that I saw on another blog, one of my favorites, http://www.bustedplumbing.com/2011/04/infertility-awareness-week-2011.html.
Enjoy and remember, it doesn't hurt sometimes to ask...what if???
My Family
Our family...of four! We are finally complete!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
NIAW and some Infertility Etiquette Tips
What does NIAW mean? National Infertility Awareness Week. And when does this take place? This year NIAW will take place from April 24th to April 30th. This is a big step in the wave of recognizing infertility. It's funny when I talk to people, it is brought up how women years ago never talked about not being able to get pregnant. Of course they didn't. You weren't supposed to talk about such things. It just wasn't seen as appropriate conversation. Although some feel that should still be the case, I say scream it from the mountain tops. Women shouldn't feel shamed in any way because of their struggles to reproduce. Once upon a time, women never talked about breast cancer either. It was a "dirty, little secret" in a sense. And my how that has changed and it such a wonderful way! Well, no more. Recognize that they couples out there (1 in 8) who struggle to conceive. And I was very happy to come across some tips posted on another blog, http://www.bustedplumbing.com/2011/04/infertility-awareness-week-2011.html, (busted plumbing got these tips originally from resolve.org) and I think they are great and worth sharing. So, here they are...
Infertility Etiquette
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
I know this was a long post, but I feel strongly about this and believe that taking away the silence of infertility will take away the negative stigma that seems to follow it. Thanks again to all my friends who have shown support. I love you dearly and appreciate you, your positive thoughts, prayers and kind words more than you can ever know!
Happy Nation Infertility Awareness Week all!!! And check out http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html for more information about infertility.
Infertility Etiquette
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
- They will eventually conceive a baby.
- They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
- They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
I know this was a long post, but I feel strongly about this and believe that taking away the silence of infertility will take away the negative stigma that seems to follow it. Thanks again to all my friends who have shown support. I love you dearly and appreciate you, your positive thoughts, prayers and kind words more than you can ever know!
Happy Nation Infertility Awareness Week all!!! And check out http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html for more information about infertility.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Really...crying at commercials now?!
Yup, it seems I am. I can't help it. I can cry at the drop of a dime, as the saying goes. I came across this Pampers commercial the other day and just thought it was great! Every child is a miracle, no matter how they made it to this earth. And so this is to celebrate them...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Just sign on the dotted line...
Have you ever signed your life away and then thought...what did I just do? Like buying a house, a new car, anything big and major? And then in some cases, people even have what they call "buyer's remorse." Hehe, well, that is not what we did today but it was a HUGE step in the baby department for the hubby and me. Today was the day that we signed the paperwork to confirm that we will be doing IVF (fertilization of my eggs with the hubby's goods in a lab and then planted back in my cushy, comfy uterus...and then resulting in a little mini-me or mini-hubby) and we will also be participating in a case study. Very official business I guess you could say and no "buyer's remorse" at this point! The hubby and I left the office feeling a little anxious, but overall really excited. This is the next chapter in this novel which could easily just be about our infertility struggles. If only I could come up with something original and fascinating about it all, I'd really write a book and could make millions and then I wouldn't have to stress about how much any of this is costing. LOL! The case study that we were invited to be a part of has to do with the freezing of the embryos, and more specifically it will study the results of freezing them about 1 day after embryo development (2PN) versus in blastocycst stage, which is 5-6 days into development. We don't get to choose. It's random, what they call a blind study.
When Dr. S was telling me about it, I said, "Oh, like they are doing on Grey's Anatomy!" A huge smile flooded his face and he said yeah that was kind of like that. He then went into how he was watching the show with his wife (he made it sound like he was tricked into it, but something tells me he is a real fan!) and how it is similar to that, but that he doesn't even know which is picked for each patient (the 2PN freeze or the Blast freeze) until after the whole retrieval process because it is a double blind pick. Fascinating!
So, thus continues our journey. The medication is being ordered and a barrage of appointments have been made for various blood tests and ultrasounds starting in just a matter of a few weeks. I am told by friends close to me that if I ever thought I was emotional or hormonal before (ha, not me!), I have another thing coming! I just hope to keep the humor and positive thoughts throughout...and if I am not, some friends better give me a swift kick in the behind along the way! Either way, I figure my students are screwed. =) They have the unfortunate circumstance in all of this, as they will see the brunt of my emotions and such, and have completely NO CLUE what is wrong with their teacher! That should make for some interesting blog posts. Until then...keep in mind that Infertility Awareness Week is April 24th though April 30th!
When Dr. S was telling me about it, I said, "Oh, like they are doing on Grey's Anatomy!" A huge smile flooded his face and he said yeah that was kind of like that. He then went into how he was watching the show with his wife (he made it sound like he was tricked into it, but something tells me he is a real fan!) and how it is similar to that, but that he doesn't even know which is picked for each patient (the 2PN freeze or the Blast freeze) until after the whole retrieval process because it is a double blind pick. Fascinating!
So, thus continues our journey. The medication is being ordered and a barrage of appointments have been made for various blood tests and ultrasounds starting in just a matter of a few weeks. I am told by friends close to me that if I ever thought I was emotional or hormonal before (ha, not me!), I have another thing coming! I just hope to keep the humor and positive thoughts throughout...and if I am not, some friends better give me a swift kick in the behind along the way! Either way, I figure my students are screwed. =) They have the unfortunate circumstance in all of this, as they will see the brunt of my emotions and such, and have completely NO CLUE what is wrong with their teacher! That should make for some interesting blog posts. Until then...keep in mind that Infertility Awareness Week is April 24th though April 30th!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Everything Happens For A Reason
Ok, I don't know about anyone else but this is a saying that I use often. I didn't get the job, or We didn't win the lottery this time or even, We haven't been able to get pregnant. My answer for it is of course, "Everything happens for a reason." So of course this phrase has come up lately and I was, for lack of a better word, woken up as to why I may say it.
It started on a quick flight I had the other day with my good friend as I questioned her about her beliefs (because of something she had mentioned to my class the day before). I decided to inquire about the difference in our beliefs and it really got me thinking. She asked what if the plane we were on crashed (trust me, as she said it, it didn't sound so morbid...but remember, she was trying to make a point), what would I think about that. I told her I believe that it would have happened for a reason. She said she believes the reason was just because of maintenance issues or whatever mechanically brought the plane down. I laughed out loud. "Really? You don't believe you were 'put' on this plane for a reason?" Her response was absolutely not. So...
Don't ask me how but a similar conversation was sparked in one of my sophomore classes today when I asked the kids what they thought would be ultimate loss (our theme this quarter is loss and love). I had a very vocal student speak up and I must admit, she stopped me dead in my tracks. That doesn't happen very often. In the midst of talking about loss (of trust, respect, self, etc.), she talked about how things just happen. No reason behind them. This class that she is in could be categorized as quite a class full of believers (one of my more vocal religious-based group of students). This lead to a lot of the other students asking her questions or posing what if scenarios. She said, no matter what happens, she believed it just happens, no further message or meaning behind it. She then proceeded to say that when people say "Everything happens for a reason," she thinks it's because they need a crutch! That it is something to keep people away from the basic, true real facts of why something happened (she called her self a realist). =) Wow. This is a 16 year old talking to me. I admit, I was a little speechless...again, that hardly ever happens. She really got me thinking. Throughout the past two years, and really for most of my life, if anything stressful, painful, or challenging (or even quite the opposite for those elating moments) ever occurred in my life, my response was always that it all happens for a reason. I can't get pregnant for a reason...not just because in reality something isn't functioning in my reproductive organs, that's not what I ever thought. I always believed it was something belonging to the bigger picture. This is where I would say, along with others, that a higher being is involved, and in my case that higher being is God. Although I am not always very vocal about my beliefs, I truly believe that my reasoning and explanation made many things easier to get through. Ah ha! And thus my crutch it shall be called!
I told my student this today at the end of the conversation...that no matter what our beliefs, I guess I was fine with having a crutch. It sures makes things in my life easier to cope with, handle, and live through. I'll take that crutch any day. =) The conversation in class, as well as with my flying companion, ending amicably as I knew it would. I just appreciated the opportunity to be grateful for my faith and to reassure myself that there is a divine plan in my mind set out for me...a plan that through twists and turns led me to my 2nd home called Vegas, to my husband, and to my path of becoming a mother. There are more reasons than not in my mind to believe that everything happens for a reason!
It started on a quick flight I had the other day with my good friend as I questioned her about her beliefs (because of something she had mentioned to my class the day before). I decided to inquire about the difference in our beliefs and it really got me thinking. She asked what if the plane we were on crashed (trust me, as she said it, it didn't sound so morbid...but remember, she was trying to make a point), what would I think about that. I told her I believe that it would have happened for a reason. She said she believes the reason was just because of maintenance issues or whatever mechanically brought the plane down. I laughed out loud. "Really? You don't believe you were 'put' on this plane for a reason?" Her response was absolutely not. So...
Don't ask me how but a similar conversation was sparked in one of my sophomore classes today when I asked the kids what they thought would be ultimate loss (our theme this quarter is loss and love). I had a very vocal student speak up and I must admit, she stopped me dead in my tracks. That doesn't happen very often. In the midst of talking about loss (of trust, respect, self, etc.), she talked about how things just happen. No reason behind them. This class that she is in could be categorized as quite a class full of believers (one of my more vocal religious-based group of students). This lead to a lot of the other students asking her questions or posing what if scenarios. She said, no matter what happens, she believed it just happens, no further message or meaning behind it. She then proceeded to say that when people say "Everything happens for a reason," she thinks it's because they need a crutch! That it is something to keep people away from the basic, true real facts of why something happened (she called her self a realist). =) Wow. This is a 16 year old talking to me. I admit, I was a little speechless...again, that hardly ever happens. She really got me thinking. Throughout the past two years, and really for most of my life, if anything stressful, painful, or challenging (or even quite the opposite for those elating moments) ever occurred in my life, my response was always that it all happens for a reason. I can't get pregnant for a reason...not just because in reality something isn't functioning in my reproductive organs, that's not what I ever thought. I always believed it was something belonging to the bigger picture. This is where I would say, along with others, that a higher being is involved, and in my case that higher being is God. Although I am not always very vocal about my beliefs, I truly believe that my reasoning and explanation made many things easier to get through. Ah ha! And thus my crutch it shall be called!
I told my student this today at the end of the conversation...that no matter what our beliefs, I guess I was fine with having a crutch. It sures makes things in my life easier to cope with, handle, and live through. I'll take that crutch any day. =) The conversation in class, as well as with my flying companion, ending amicably as I knew it would. I just appreciated the opportunity to be grateful for my faith and to reassure myself that there is a divine plan in my mind set out for me...a plan that through twists and turns led me to my 2nd home called Vegas, to my husband, and to my path of becoming a mother. There are more reasons than not in my mind to believe that everything happens for a reason!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Puffy Eye Syndrome
You may be asking yourself, what is puffy eye syndrome? Well, I'll tell you...it's also known as pity party, sob story, or even as a night to pout (aka-crying 'til your eyes are bloodshot, snot is flowing, and there is major puffage going on!). And it is the official term that I am giving myself for when I have those moments of weakness and breakdowns. Tonight's breakdown was probably along time coming. I haven't just let my guard down lately to the abundant stress of work (oh how I love having grading for 205+ students...NOT!), the overload of information from the fertility specialist, or the decisions the hubby and I are in the process of making.
The crazy part is, I had my most recent consultation with the fertility clinic yesterday and it was good news. They gave me the low down on our two options, IUI and IVF. And one better piece of news is that I qualified for a case study that they are conducting (which lowers the cost of the overall IVF procedure, among some other nice little benefits). Also, a good friend went with me to the appointment and was able to tell me about some options to possibly get some of the medication covered for this whole shindig. However, the looming stress from this exciting appointment is the actual overall costs of each option. Now, I know I was warned. I am not going to say I wasn't, but I guess in my naive mind (or maybe in my ignorant bliss) I was thinking that the money would somehow not really be an issue. Well, that lovely reality really came to the forefront today. I am sure that this is the case that started this latest installment of puffy eye syndrome. The unfortunate thing is, we never really saved in case we ever had to have a procedure to get pregnant...we just thought we would get pregnant. Who plans for infertility in their 20s and as newlyweds? Um, yeah, didn't think there were too many out there. So when getting pregnant after the first year, the second year, or even 6 rounds of Chlomid didn't happen, we weren't prepared for the "purchase of a small car" so to speak.
On top of that, those are the things that set me over the edge and start my self pity party about how I am defective and so on, so forth. See where I am going with this. It is a domino effect on the emotions and on my over-analyzing brain. Oh joy! But I'll tell you what, venting definitely helps. If you all haven't tried this blog thing...it's not half bad. Especially comes in handy when you work for a school district that talks about cutting around 7% of teachers salaries (which would be 14% in my household with the teacher hubby and wife duo) and you want to go see a therapist about your woes, but you can't afford it (and they probably don't cover it anyway like they don't with infertility). Ok, ok! That was just uncalled for. Venting, pity party, good old bitchfest is over. Thanks for the open ears and open minds! Note to self: when in this kind of mood, just dare your hubby to do something completely ridiculous and absurd (like streaking through the backyard to get the bird feeder for the night...not that my hubby did that). It will make puffy eye syndrome disappear before you know, at least for a little while!
The crazy part is, I had my most recent consultation with the fertility clinic yesterday and it was good news. They gave me the low down on our two options, IUI and IVF. And one better piece of news is that I qualified for a case study that they are conducting (which lowers the cost of the overall IVF procedure, among some other nice little benefits). Also, a good friend went with me to the appointment and was able to tell me about some options to possibly get some of the medication covered for this whole shindig. However, the looming stress from this exciting appointment is the actual overall costs of each option. Now, I know I was warned. I am not going to say I wasn't, but I guess in my naive mind (or maybe in my ignorant bliss) I was thinking that the money would somehow not really be an issue. Well, that lovely reality really came to the forefront today. I am sure that this is the case that started this latest installment of puffy eye syndrome. The unfortunate thing is, we never really saved in case we ever had to have a procedure to get pregnant...we just thought we would get pregnant. Who plans for infertility in their 20s and as newlyweds? Um, yeah, didn't think there were too many out there. So when getting pregnant after the first year, the second year, or even 6 rounds of Chlomid didn't happen, we weren't prepared for the "purchase of a small car" so to speak.
On top of that, those are the things that set me over the edge and start my self pity party about how I am defective and so on, so forth. See where I am going with this. It is a domino effect on the emotions and on my over-analyzing brain. Oh joy! But I'll tell you what, venting definitely helps. If you all haven't tried this blog thing...it's not half bad. Especially comes in handy when you work for a school district that talks about cutting around 7% of teachers salaries (which would be 14% in my household with the teacher hubby and wife duo) and you want to go see a therapist about your woes, but you can't afford it (and they probably don't cover it anyway like they don't with infertility). Ok, ok! That was just uncalled for. Venting, pity party, good old bitchfest is over. Thanks for the open ears and open minds! Note to self: when in this kind of mood, just dare your hubby to do something completely ridiculous and absurd (like streaking through the backyard to get the bird feeder for the night...not that my hubby did that). It will make puffy eye syndrome disappear before you know, at least for a little while!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Here's Your Assignment
Today I assigned a homework assignment to my sophomores. The objective...find a song that in some way deals with love or loss (our theme for the quarter). Now please understand that we had a pretty lengthy discussion last week about what love and loss are, and I think they really understood me when I said that it is not just falling in love with someone or losing someone through death. Our discussion got them thinking beyond just those two typical thoughts that have to do with love and loss and on to so many others...love of power, loss of mind (I added that one to the list telling them that's what they drive me to), love of food, loss of appetite. It was the kind of discussion that makes any teacher's day.
So then came the assignment. Find a song and try to think outside the box. I don't want 50 Taylor Swift songs! They were told this straight out. I even tried to pose as the cool English teacher to give them an outside the box example. "A example that would be great, minus the explicit lyrics, would be Eminem's I need a Doctor." Giggles ensued around the room. Apparently, they didn't think that their "old" English teacher listens to Eminem. But this assignment got me thinking about the power of songs. And one that has really touched me lately, in light of where my life is right now, is Randy Houser's In God's Time. Here is a link and I encourage you to listen to the song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skZKXd6G9lI Really hear the words. It is pretty powerful.
So then came the assignment. Find a song and try to think outside the box. I don't want 50 Taylor Swift songs! They were told this straight out. I even tried to pose as the cool English teacher to give them an outside the box example. "A example that would be great, minus the explicit lyrics, would be Eminem's I need a Doctor." Giggles ensued around the room. Apparently, they didn't think that their "old" English teacher listens to Eminem. But this assignment got me thinking about the power of songs. And one that has really touched me lately, in light of where my life is right now, is Randy Houser's In God's Time. Here is a link and I encourage you to listen to the song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skZKXd6G9lI Really hear the words. It is pretty powerful.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Eeny Meeny Miny Mo
Finally got to meet with Dr. S,our fertility specialist, for a consultation after all the tests and procedures. Luckily, we got some answers. My FSH levels are higher than they should be in someone my age, among a couple of other glitches; however, I produce a lot of eggs (I had 15 "going" (not sure of the correct terminology here) the last time I had an ultrasound). We have options, which is great; although, now it kind of feels like eeny meeny miny mo in a way. Our choices are basically IUI (intrauterine insemination, which includes fertility meds and then timed intercourse or a procedure to inseminate) or IVF (in vitro fertilization, same type of fertility meds and then retrieving my eggs, hubby's sperm, fertilizing in a lab and then implanting). There are some huge differences between the two. IUI costs substantially less than IVF, but it also has a much smaller success rate of about 12%. IVF costs about as much as a small car (there goes my dreams of upgrading the Nissan, LOL), but has a much higher success rate, with an approximate 65% chance of having a baby.
So needless to say, hubby and I have done a lot of talking. He thought it was a great opportunity to bring up a little baseball analogy (gotta love being married to a coach) and asked if I would rather have a player that batted .120 or one that batted .300 (for all you non-baseball fans, that means the first batter is hitting 12 out of every 100 pitches versus the second batter hitting 30 out of every 100 pitches on average)? Well dear, of course I am going with the better batter, and I guess I am assuming that because he is that much better, he costs more as well. ;) We are at a crossroads in a way. This is a decision that weighs a lot on us, but more than anything I feel so ready. I feel ready to make this decision, to start on the path, and ultimately to become preggos and become a mommy. Here's hoping for a less bumpy road from this point on.
So needless to say, hubby and I have done a lot of talking. He thought it was a great opportunity to bring up a little baseball analogy (gotta love being married to a coach) and asked if I would rather have a player that batted .120 or one that batted .300 (for all you non-baseball fans, that means the first batter is hitting 12 out of every 100 pitches versus the second batter hitting 30 out of every 100 pitches on average)? Well dear, of course I am going with the better batter, and I guess I am assuming that because he is that much better, he costs more as well. ;) We are at a crossroads in a way. This is a decision that weighs a lot on us, but more than anything I feel so ready. I feel ready to make this decision, to start on the path, and ultimately to become preggos and become a mommy. Here's hoping for a less bumpy road from this point on.
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